advent journal: ellipses

ellipses

I am fighting hard to hope . . .
Well—now I’m staring at the page
hoping to find a different verb.
I’m not looking for a fight.
why let my word choice turn
to violence over things that matter?

I am fighting hard to hope . . .
maybe the problem has more to do
with the subject of the sentence.
hope only happens in concert:
the shepherds flocked together,
and the angels had a choir.

I’m fighting hard to hope . . .
I keep typing those words thinking
they will take a different turn—
I would like not to fight.
I’ll struggle (that’s different, right)
or wrestle or wonder or wait . . .

I look at the page and see a
series of ellipses: “a trailing off
of thought.” but I’m still here
determined to remember
I am not alone in the dark.
I’m fighting hard to hope.

Peace,
Milton