lenten journal: don't give up

This post started because a friend posted a video with a song title I recognized, but it wasn’t the song I knew. It did however send me back to a song embedded deep in the soundtrack of my life that I needed to hear today on behalf of friends who are hurting deeply--and also for myself. Most of the songs tonight fall in that category. As we move into the heaviest days of Holy Week I offer these songs of lament and loss. You may have heard them if you’ve been around me much. Then again, a good song is worth listening to over and over.

The video for “Don’t Give Up” is as compelling as the song itself because Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush are in a constant embrace through the whole song.

in this proud land we grew up strong we were wanted all along I was taught to fight, taught to win I never thought I could fail

no fight left or so it seems I am a man whose dreams have all deserted I've changed my face, I've changed my name nut no-one wants you when you lose

don't give up 'cause you have friends don't give up you're not beaten yet don't give up I know you can make it good

I can remember the first time I heard Tracy Chapman. The song was “Fast Car.” I still love that record. The last track on her second album is the one I keep coming back to: “All That You Have is Your Soul.”

here I am, I'm waiting for a better day a second chance, a little luck to come my way a hope to dream, a hope that I can sleep again and wake in the world with a clear conscience and clean hands ‘cause all that you have is your soul

so don't be tempted by the shiny apple don't you eat of a bitter fruit hunger only for a taste of justice hunger only for a world of truth ‘cause all that you have is your soul

oh my mama told me ‘cause she say she learned the hard way she say she wanna spare the children she say don't give or sell your soul away ‘cause all that you have is your soul

When John Mellencamp came out with Scarecrow it changed the way people thought about him. He was no longer Johnny Cougar. We can all sing “Pink Houses,” but one of the songs in the middle of the record is my favorite: “Between a Laugh and a Tear.”

when paradise is no longer fit for you to live in and your adolescent dreams are gone through the days you feel a little used up and you don't know where your energy's gone wrong

it's just your soul feelin' a little downhearted sometimes life is too ridiculous to live you count your friends all on one finger I know it sounds crazy just the way that we live

between a laugh and a tear smile in the mirror as you walk by between a laugh and a tear and that's as good as it can get for us and there ain't no reason to stop tryin'

When Jonatha Brooke wrote “Ten Cent Wings” that’s what chicken wings went for at Happy Hour, and where she got the inspiration for an amazing song.

I will love across the borders, I will wait until it's dark I will fly and you'll be with me, my wings, your heart then our memory may fail us, and our language will go too but the shooting stars will catch our celestial view

ten cent wings, I'll take two pin them to my sweater and I'll sail above the blue ten cent wings, tried and true orbiting like satellites I'll sail away with you

Emmylou Harris is probably best known for “Boulder to Birmingham,” when it comes to grief songs, but “Bang the Drum Slowly” is the song she wrote after her father died. Her lament fits the losses we live with in these days.

I meant to ask you how when everything seemed lost and your fate was in a game of dice they tossed there was still that line that you would never cross at any cost

I meant to ask you how you lived what you believed with nothing but your heart up your sleeve and if you ever really were deceived by the likes of me

bang the drum slowly play the pipe lowly to dust be returning from dust we begin bang the drum slowly I'll speak of things holy above and below me world without end

Patty Griffin’s record American Kid is the album she wrote after her father died, which happened around the same time my dad died. “Wild Old Dog” is one of the most visceral metaphors of what it feels like to find God in grief, or, perhaps, to understand how deeply God feels our grief. During Holy Week, I hear it as a crucifixion song.

God is a wild old dog someone left out on the highway I seen him running by me he don't belong to no one now

it's lonely on the highway sometimes a heart can turn to dust get whittled down to nothing broken down and crushed in with the bones of wild old dogs wild, old dogs

I bought Bookends when I was I school and the song “Old Friends” has haunted me ever since. I think I am finally starting to understand it.

old friends, old friends sat on their park bench like bookends a newspaper blown through the grass falls on the round toes of the high shoes of the old friends

old friends, winter companions, the old men lost in their overcoats, waiting for the sunset the sounds of the city sifting through trees settle like dust on the shoulders of the old friends

can you imagine us years from today sharing a park bench quietly? how terribly strange to be seventy

old friends, memory brushes the same years silently sharing the same fears

On the record, it was paired with “Bookends,” as it is in the video I found.

time it was, and what a time it was, it was a time of innocence, a time of confidences long ago, it must be, I have a photograph preserve your memories; they're all that's left you

One of the perennial favorites on my soundtrack is Pierce Pettis. I am going to let him close us out tonight, not with a song of resolution as much as a call to tenacity--to keeping on. This is “Hold on to That Heart.”

Molly works on the children's ward the ones that aren't gonna make it she holds those little hands and says a prayer sometimes she just can't take it

I lay me down to sleep pray my soul to keep if I die before I wake slouching at the bar she says some people are hard they look at me like I'm crazy

I say hold on to that heart hold on to the love you know hold on to that heart Molly don’t let go

he picks up the telephone she says how you doing he says I'm alright no that's wrong but I'm getting through it

said I used to have a wife used to have a life it wasn't that long ago she says you're going through hell I have been the myself but you can be strong I know

she says hold on to that heart hold on to the love you know hold on to that heart boy don’t let go

whatever is honest whatever is true whatever is loving and lives in you Think on these things and hold on . . .

Don’t give up. Hold on. I will, too.

Peace,
Milton